Respectful swinging in perspective

Swinging Defined
   "Engagement in sexual activity with someone other than one's spouse or primary partner, with the full knowledge and consent of that spouse/primary partner" (Friend, Pearlmutter, McGinney 1989), and "recreational social-sexual sharing among consenting adults" (McGinney 1980).  In practical terms, this translates into married couples, and couples in committed and casual relationships, engaging in social-sexual activity with other couples outside of their relationship.  It is very different from cheating, however, because everyone involved are mutual participants, free of guilt, dishonesty and deceit.  In other words, a couple in a relationship has openly discussed and agreed that such social-sexual interactions with others is ok.

Sexual Activities
     Threesomes - Three people, two of one gender and one of another.  In this situation, all three people may interact with each other (as is common when the threesome is two women and one man), or two of the people, usually of the same gender, may be interacting only with the third (as is common when the threesome is two men and one woman).

    Couple to couple - One couple pairing up with another.  After an exchange of partners, the participants usually (but not always) engage in social-sexual activity within close proximity of each other.  That is within the same room or on the same bed.  Frequently, these couples may interact in such a way that the foursome activities are more similar to group sex, with all involved participating together.

    Groups (orgies) - This activity is an encounter with four or more people in the same sexual interaction.  It may be two couples as described earlier, or any gender and relationship configuration involving both sexes of four or more people.

    Bisexuality - People of the same gender, sexually interacting.  This is fairly common among women, although not all women by any means.  Bisexuality among men is extremely rare in the swinging lifestyle, although not unheard of.

    Voyeurism - Watching others involved in sexual activity.  This activity is usually welcome in open group party areas, but no in private areas.  It is common for a couple to have a partner that likes to watch (voyeurism) while the other likes to show off (exhibitionism).

   Other cultures - English culture (spanking), bondage, sado/masochism and water sports (urination) are uncommon and generally shunned at most swing parties.

Social aspects of swinging
    Swinging is a social activity.  Whether attending a party, meeting with another couple privately, or engaging with a single person for a threesome, the participants talk with one another, eat, drink, and laugh, all with the purpose of becoming acquainted in order to sexually enjoy one another.  Sexual activity may or may not follow, however. Many swingers have swinging friends they have known for month, even years, that they have not been sexually involved with.  Private, clubs, and party houses offer a place to gather to swing.  The environment is meant to be one of social warmth and belonging.  It is pleasurable to meet new people, friends and acquaintances at a party.  Pleasant memories come from lounging, perhaps partially dressed or nude, in a group around the fireplace; talking, listening to music, laughing and warming up to one another.  This may happen in a hot tub, Jacuzzi or pool as well.  When these social experiences are complimented by enjoyable sexual experience the appeal of swinging is understood.
   Though some couple who swing have open marriages and have swinging dates apart, the majority of couples do not date separately.  They see swinging as an activity/lifestyle to enjoy together, as a part of their relationship.

Meeting Places

    Off Premise - No space is provided for engaging in sexual activity.  In other words, those who wish to go further than strictly social interaction must find someplace else to do so.
    
    On Premise - Space is provided for those who wish to go further than strictly social interaction and engagement in sexual activity is appropriate.

    Nudity and Dress - The common attire at an off-premise activity is dressy, often sexy.  The common attire for an on-premise swing party may be dress or casual, but with the expectation of partial or full nudity.  It is common for participants to take lingerie, a robe or other slip-on attire to the party.

Etiquette 

• As in any social activity, there are expected rules of conduct in swinging.  Following the rules is an effective way to make yourself welcome within the swinging community.
  

• Arrive on time. It isn't fashionable to arrive late to a swing party or event.
  

• Arrive as a couple and leave as a couple when attending a swing dance or party.  It is frowned upon by most hosts and other swinger when a partner, usually the women, departs leaving her mate at the party as a single.
  

• Attractive but casual party clothes are usually best.  If you're attending an on-premise party, take a robe, negligee, or other slip-on attire.  You may find it more comfortable as the evening continues.  Keep money, jewelry and other valuables to a minimum.  If they're lost, it's a problem for you and an embarrassment to your hosts.
  

• Cleanliness and good grooming is essential for swinging participants.  Be aware of your body and take care of it.  Be especially aware of any body odor you may develop due to the physical nature of these activities.  Even a kiss can be a turnoff if delivered with a breath heavy with the taste of cigarettes or liquor. Breath mints or gum are very helpful.
  

• A good mental attitude and emotional health will make you popular in the swinging community.  No one appreciates the negative person with nothing good to say about the party, other persons or swinging.  The man or woman with the smile, ready laugh and obvious interest in others is the person others like to be around.

• Everyone has the right of refusal, so you don't have to swing with a person unless you want to, and they don't have to swing with you.  Be honest with your feelings and desires, and expect others to do the same.  Only ask those you want to say "yes."  If they say "No," take it graciously and don't try to coax, pressure or persuade them to change their mind.  When you say "Yes" to others, be honest and enthusiastic.  When you say "No," be tactful and courteous.  But don't say "Maybe later" when you really mean "NO."
  

• Don't take a "Ticket" to a swing party. A "ticket" is someone who has no intention of swinging, but is willing to go along to get someone else in.  No one must swing at a party, of course, but if one person swings, it is expected that the other is willing and free to do the same.
  

• Don't take someone to a swing party who is not fully informed as to the nature of the party and their expected behavior.
  

• Don't disturb the swinging enjoyment of others in a bedroom or other swing area with loud or prolonged talk.
  

• The group room is for group swinging so if you want privacy, don't go to the group room. If you take your partner, or any other person to the group room to swing, you can expect others to ask to join you and your partner. (The right of refusal always applies, of course.  Swinging in the group room doesn't automatically give others the right to join you nor you the right to join others.)
  

• Club swing parties have dues or donations.  It is your responsibility to present it upon being checked in for a party. Don't make the hosts remind you.
  

• Don't be a bedroom "cruiser."  Looking into bedrooms, pulling back curtains, turning on lights and going into private swing areas as a stag to see if you can get involved in something are major breaches of swinging etiquette.  If you become known for such behavior, you may find that swing party invitations become few and far between.
  

• Illegal substances, including marijuana, are prohibited at responsible swing clubs and private parties.  Swinging is it's own pleasure, don't dilute it and don't subject yourself and other to legal problems.  Going in and out of the party or dance to your car will be suspect.  Don't do it!
  

• If a party is BYOB (bring your own bottle), only drink what you bring.  Never help yourself to what others have brought without their permission.  This is another of the much violated rules of swinging etiquette, and one that causes anger among the party guests.
  

• Tell the hosts if another guest causes a problem, won't take no for an answer, or is objectionable in any real way.  They sincerely want to know so that they can correct the situation before it becomes a problem.  Keeping problems and bad feelings to yourself only contributes tension to the situation.
  

• If you like a club or party, say so.  If it just isn't your thing, leave.  To speak disparagingly of a party to the other guests is imply poor manners.